“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” Charles R. Swindoll

It dawned on me this week that if I want to help other parents who may be in the same sort of situation as I have found myself with my oldest son; I probably should give some background on how we got where we are today.

From the time he was born, my son had a mind of his own.  He wouldn’t sleep–at least not for any great length of time.  He might sleep 3-4 hours but could go 6-7 before he slept those 3-4 hours.  My mom simply told me to get used to it, I was never a sleeper either so he probably got it from me.

By the time he turned 1, he was walking and was into EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING!  He was especially fond of items that had a button. If it had a button, he pushed it. He loved pushing buttons, literally at this point. Let’s not forget the climbing!  He had no fear and would climb on anything. My little daredevil!  That still holds true today.  He still charges through life full steam ahead.

I really started to notice something might be amiss when he was about 18 months.  He seemed to be powered as if by a motor.  Constantly on the go and he was smart as a whip.  Time out was just a joke.  I’d put him in the corner, turn my back to walk away and out he ran.  I’d catch him, silently take him back to time out, sit him back down, and out he came. He and I would go through this process for several hours.  Yes, you read that right, HOURS!  He never ever gave up.  I remember one day I got so tired and frustrated that I just sat down and cried.  I was pregnant with my youngest after all.  As sweet as he could be, he came up to me, gave me a huge hug, kissed my cheek, smiled sweetly at me, and said, “Love you.”  How could I be upset?

I read every parenting book, blog, website, or magazine.  I belonged to a mommy group. I asked advice from other moms. Nothing seemed to work.  I talked to his pediatrician, but since he wasn’t school age, there wasn’t much to do. All the while, my marriage was breaking up which certainly wasn’t helping the situation.

Following my divorce, I moved back to Nebraska from Florida.  This is where I had grown up and this is where I had a support system.  I had family and friends who could maybe help me out.  Things with my son really weren’t different here.  He did well with some people; not so well with others.  He did better with women than men and adults over children–even ones his own age.  He was just so busy and all over the place that nobody knew exactly how to react to him especially other kids.

He was pretty happy-go-lucky except when he didn’t get his way.  Then he went from happy to fit screaming angry at the drop of a hat.  It was like turning on and off a light switch.  He would go on for hours and hours and hours.  It was exhausting.  Again, nothing I did helped.  Things just kept getting worse and worse.  The fits got bigger and lasted longer the older he got. He just couldn’t accept no or not right now as an answer. It was either his way or nobody’s way. I felt exhausted all the time. Since I decided to move away from their father, I got no breaks except in the summertime. There was no one to say, “Tag, you’re it! I need 10 minutes to regroup.” Their dad did try to help, but what could he really do from 1300 miles away. 

Then puberty started to hit and things took a turn for the worse. The fits went from screaming fits to throwing things and finally to physical aggression towards me and his younger brother. That’s when his father and I made the decision to move him in with his dad in Florida. I had exhausted all the mental health options in Nebraska available short of sending him through the court system, but there was hope for him in Florida. Hope for a new set of eyes looking at his behavior. Hope for a possible new diagnosis. Hope for a change.

But life has other plans and threw us a curve ball. That curve ball turned into the best thing that could happen. It was a rough road for a while, but he got a new diagnosis and new medication. Today, he is 3 months post diagnosis and life is good. I never thought that I would be thrilled to experience teenage angst and attitude. I find it surprisingly refreshing compared to where we were a year ago. He still has his good and bad days. He is working with a fabulous counselor who holds him accountable and is teaching him skills he needs to be successful. We are all hopeful about what tomorrow will bring.