“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.”

Mother Theresa

Wow!  So much has happened since my last blog post; I feel like I have been in a never ending whirlwind that sure isn’t going to slow down in the last three weeks of the school year!  The highlights of the past few months are that a new “normal” has settled in with my oldest, my mother’s health has taken a nose dive, and my youngest prepares for his first big step in life–middle school.  All the while, I have been steadily plugging along, day in and day out, going about my day.  Nobody really asks me “How are you doing?” and truly mean it.  They expect the standard, “I’m doing well, how about you?”  The pleasantries of life. That’s what is expected.  But what if I didn’t want to answer with pleasantries.  What if what I really want to say is “I’m tired.  I’m tired from raising two active boys by myself.  I’m tired of being Mom and Dad.  I’m tired of being the child who holds herself all together in the face of adversity. I’m tired of worrying about making ends meet especially when child support is non-existent. I’m tired of the pressure to have all my students pass three stupid standardized tests when no other grade level in the district has to prep for 3 different tests.  I’m tired of putting everyone else first. AND I’m tired of feeling alone.”  Wouldn’t that just surprise someone.

Because I don’t like to get hung up in the negative for any great length of time, I’ve decided to focus on the mindfulness techniques I learned this summer in my mindfulness class.  I loved taking that class this past summer and I have asked myself many times over the past few weeks why I haven’t continued to use what I learned regularly this school year.  Maybe because I have a pretty laid back class and I haven’t felt the need.  Naw…Most likely because I’m 45 years old and it would require a change of habits.  So, I have committed the next 30 days to daily mindfulness.  For me, mindfulness is not about the spiritualness stemming from hinduism, but rather a focus on being present in the moment.  It means, getting up just before sunrise, fixing my cup of coffee, and reading my Bible outside in the peace a quietness of the early morning.  That’s my favorite time of day.  Before most people are awake.  Breathing in the cool morning air.  Listening to the birds chirping.  I like to sum it up as stillness. I don’t do this often enough.  I have found that it’s the little things in life that recharge my batteries.

So what does this have to do with my son and his mental health struggles.  That’s easy.  His negative behaviors feed off of my stress levels.  The more I am stressed out, the more he acts out.  Don’t get me wrong, he will act out regardless of my stress levels, but they sure don’t help matters.  As I practice mindfulness, I push both of my sons to practice it with me.  Let me rephrase that, I have them practice it at a different time than I do because I really don’t want them interrupting my peace and quiet in the morning.  My oldest needs to learn some of these techniques.  They certainly help him with his anxiety and stress levels as well.  Who knows, maybe our new normal after 30 days will be total tranquillity.  OK, who am I kidding, I just hope for harmony.